My Journey with Epilepsy – How I turned my Tears into my Testimony
By L. Monique Jackson
My journey with epilepsy began in March 2023, when I was 45 and thriving in a twenty-year career as an executive HR recruiter. I loved interviewing candidates, partnering with executives, and leading teams. The challenge of my job was exciting to me. Then, at my son’s track meet, a coach saw my eyes roll back and caught me as my body tightened. I awoke on a stretcher, frightened and confused. What was happening to me, and why was I lying on a stretcher? As I lay in the hospital, I was told I had experienced a seizure and then I was sent home to rest.
What began as a medical crisis became a journey through grief, uncertainty, acceptance, and community—changing how I understood epilepsy and myself.
Two weeks later, my father—my soldier, protector, and hero—passed away due to a heart condition. While arranging his funeral, I repeatedly drove 80 miles each way, moving through grief without considering the danger, wondering what else could possibly happen to me. I even questioned whether my seizure had affected his health. I buried him in April and tried to move on with my life.
In July, I had a second seizure, went to the hospital, and was again told to go home and rest. Then, on Thanksgiving Day, while visiting family in Houston, I had a third seizure and fell headfirst onto a wooden floor in front of my son and relatives. I flew home with my eight-year- old watching my bruised face, black eye, and stitches.
My doctor restricted my driving, stopped me from returning to work, and prescribed anti- seizure medication. In an instant, I lost my independence and many activities I loved. No more skating or bowling. Most of all, not being allowed to drive was devastating to me.
Throughout 2024, conflicting medical opinions left me confused. Some doctors said seizures; others suggested fainting spells. I just wanted to understand why this was happening to me, but I wasn’t getting the answers I needed. My doctors told me to reduce stress, but how? I cried constantly and felt dismissed. My memory and thinking changed, preventing me from doing the work that once defined me. Relationships became strained, and I feared others were watching for another seizure. I missed important time with my children and grandson. Depression, anger, anxiety, and fear consumed me; privately, I felt as though I was waiting to die.
In 2025, I found a new primary care doctor and neurologist who listened. After an EEG sleep study, I received a confirmed diagnosis of epilepsy with tonic-clonic and focal seizures. Having a name for my experience brought clarity, but medication alone could not restore the life I had lost.
Healing also required support, acceptance, and a new understanding of who I could become. I sought therapy and people who understood what I was experiencing. Through JoshProvides, I joined an epilepsy support group while frightened, depressed, and traumatized. The group welcomed me without judgment. Members of the group made me feel as though I was part of a family. Although we were at different stages, our shared experiences created the family and community I needed.
Today, I am more comfortable with my diagnosis and medical team. I am rebuilding relationships with my children and grandson, giving myself grace, and forgiving myself for time epilepsy took away.
My life is not what it was before epilepsy, but it remains full of purpose. I still cry, but now my tears are part of my testimony. Acceptance is not surrender; it is the beginning of living forward.
